Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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