Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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