My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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