i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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