dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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