I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
