just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
