We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
