He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
