The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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