roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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