Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
