I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
