i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
