A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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