I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
