only if we run a train.
done.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
