Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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