Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
