If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Are my feet made of real feet?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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