The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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