we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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