Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
