He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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