it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
