My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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