Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
