Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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