this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
