Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
