I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
