hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
