We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
