____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
