So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
