names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
