I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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