Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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