some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
