He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
