its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
