HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
