Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
