Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
