I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
