sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
