Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
