So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
