I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
