my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
