My first STD was from a foam party
Swine flu. Run for my life!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
