I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
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He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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