So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
