I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
wow bdsm is so cute
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
