I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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