They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My cat gives me a boner
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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