I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
