Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
