Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
