My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
