Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
