What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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