I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
