Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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