I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
