You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
