I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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