I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
