She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
