i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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